3 Signs Manipulators Have You

Manipulators exploit compassion.

“… if you fail to comply with his request, a manipulator will try to make you feel bad, selfish, naive, foolish, guilty, or whatever emotion will cause you to capitulate to their desire.” Bob Burg, author of Adversaries Into Allies.

One manipulator bragged she could cut people down without them knowing. She encouraged people to complain about their bosses and reported their complaints. In the process she endeared herself to decision-makers.

3 Signs You’re Being Manipulated:

#1. You feel inadequate.

They use tones of sympathy. The phrases, “You think what?” Or “You really believe that?” become weapons when spoken with sympathetic tones, for example.

Manipulators wouldn’t say you’re stupid to your face. They encourage you to tell yourself you’re stupid.

#2. You feel pressured by compassion.

Manipulators exploit compassion.

“But I thought you liked helping people. Now that I need your help, you’re turning me down.” Manipulators question your reliability, responsibility, dependability, or team spirit.

#3. You’re questioning yourself.

“Maybe I don’t care enough.”

Manipulators want you to believe it’s your fault they failed.

Manipulators steal your confidence by putting you on your heels.

4 Powerful Responses to Manipulators:

#1. Clarify goals. When you feel manipulated, ask, “What do you want? For yourself? For the team? For me?”

#2. Restate request. When it seems unreasonable say, “Let me be sure I understand. You would like me to …. Is that correct?”

#3. Be direct. “I see what’s in this for you. What’s in this for our team?”

#4. Delay. Say, “I’ll think about it.” (If you aren’t quick on your feet, give yourself time to think.)

What manipulation techniques have you seen?

What are some ways to deal with being manipulated?

Still curious:

How Manipulation Works

Signs of Manipulation: Recognizing Manipulative Behavior