From Presence to Power: 4 Reasons People Bristle When You Show Up

Woody Allen said, “Showing up is 80% of life.” When you want to stay in bed, you get up. You raise your hand when the job is difficult. But there’s more to leadership than showing up.

People reflect the way you show up back to you.

4 reasons people bristle when you show up:

#1. Fixing people feels arrogant.

Nobody wants to be fixed. You can’t improve anyone. People transform themselves. You can participate. Saviors disrespect people’s competence.  Rescuers create helplessness.

#2. Giving advice communicates detachment.

People resist your influence when you rush to solve their concern. Curiosity invites connection. Listening shows respect. People think you don’t get it when you offer quick solutions.

#3. Blabbing signals self-absorption.

Dominating conversations alienates people. Over-confidence stifles input. Words feel like manipulation when you don’t listen. Humility ignites innovation.

#4. Driving vision seems pushy.

Drive closes your mind. Your personal agenda creates resistance in others.

Openness precedes alignment.

5 practices that enhance people’s response when you show up:

#1. Show interest in people.

Admiration is a bridge of influence – not their admiration of you – your admiration of them. Write down three things you admire about everyone on your team. Bring those things to mind during interactions.

#2. Like yourself.

You drain people when you’re uncomfortable with yourself. Seeking validation makes you exhausting.

#3. Cheer when others shine.

Commit to notice success more than shortfall. Determine to focus on strength more than weakness.

#4. Practice vulnerability.

We care about Superman because kryptonite makes him weak. Apart from vulnerability Superman is disinteresting. You’re not a superhero. Your frailty makes others matter.

#5. Focus on better.

When the trajectory of improvement is acceptable don’t bring up disappointments. Fuel the fires of progress by honoring consistent wins.

What have you learned about your influence on the way people respond to you when you show up?

Dig deeper:

3 Creative Ways to Cultivate Meaningful Connection

3 Ways Busy Leaders Master Connection

Managers, You’re More Intimidating Than You Think (hbr.org)