The Lies That Defeat Us

Lies have power because they feel true. Negative self-talk feels accurate even when it’s ridiculous.

A nagging inner critic fits the category of “automatic negative thoughts” (ANTs). An ANTs infestation rules us until we listen with self-awareness.

The first step to defeating ANTs is noticing.

AI generated image 10/11/24 at 5:00 a.m.

Noticing ANTs – 4 Lies That Defeat Us:

#1. “Should” statements:

My coach says, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself so much.”

• I should be able to handle this without help.
• I should know what to do with my life by now.
• I should be happier.

Tip: Spend less time “shoulding” on yourself and more time doing what you can.

#2. Catastrophizing:

• Corrective feedback doesn’t mean you’re getting fired.
• A headache probably isn’t a brain tumor.
• Saying something stupid doesn’t mean everyone thinks you’re a complete idiot.

Tip: If the worst happens, what will you do? Make a simple plan. Focus on things within your control.

#3. All-or-nothing thinking:

• I’ll never…
• I always…
• Everybody…
• Nobody…
• Everything…

Tip: Reject all-inclusive statements.

#4. Emotional reasoning:

• I feel stupid. Everyone is smarter than me.
• I’m anxious about flying. We’re going to crash.
• I feel like they don’t like me. I better find a new job.

Tip: The Truth about Emotion: Stop Solving Problems that Don’t Exist

Turn ANTs into PETs:

Turn automatic negative thoughts into “positive empowering thoughts” (PETs).

#1. Watch less cable news.

#2. Record self-defeating lies.

Keep a notebook of every lie you tell yourself for a day. At the end of the day, throw away the paper. Don’t do anything else.

#3. Have a conversation with your inner critic.

Refer to yourself by name. “Mary thinks she’s getting fired.”

#4. Don’t tell yourself positive lies.

Don’t tell yourself you’re great when you suck. Make a plan to improve. Do something about it.

What idea in this post resonates with you today?

What insights can you add?

John David Mann and I wrote The Vagrant because we all fall into the trap of self-defeating behaviors.

Purchase The Vagrant:

• Amazon
• Barnes & Noble
• Books-A-Million
• IndieBound/Bookshop.org