Skipped filing tax returns to binge Mirzapur season 3? Blame the Mercury—it’s been burying your priorities in the cosmic landfill. Nobody laughs at your jokes in the group chat? It’s Saturn’s handiwork. And as the stars align (or don’t), flaking on life now is just ‘living in your lunar truth’.
We’re in a full-scale astrology over accountability crisis, and Gen Z self-awareness is not helping it.
In India, where therapy still comes with a stigma, a price tag, and a three-month waitlist, astrology is the perfect workaround. It’s low commitment. And it doesn’t ask you to unpack childhood trauma in a Zoom session. Instead, it gives you closure in the form of, “Your Saturn return is coming. Buckle up.”
Forget business plans, today’s startup pitch comes with a side of moon sign compatibility and a desperate plea to the astrologer: “Will my app survive the next lunar eclipse?” Now, it’s your office Slack channel diagnosing team conflicts, and your next appraisal depends on whether your moon sign can ‘take initiatives’.
Also read: Trying too hard is now cringe. Welcome to the era of Bare Minimum, effortless detachment
At this point everything comes with a cosmic logic. Apparently, Priyanka Chopra didn’t conquer three continents and build a global brand with hard work—nope, her Jupiter in Scorpio handed her the keys to success, with a birth chart that aligns perfectly with Nick Jonas’s Virgo sun. The cosmos shipped it before the publicists did. So, if you’re questioning whether the stars are playing favourites, just remember—AstroTalk’s first chat is free. The astrology predictions app is being endorsed by big names of the entertainment industry.
Eyeing the influencer royalty, why bother with damage control after a public controversy, when you can simply consult the universe? Forget the PR route, if jobless trolls with WiFi connections and too much time on their hands come for you, skip the public statement, just book a tarot appointment and let a woman adorned in rubies draw your future from a velvet pouch. Worked for a certain someone, who casually credited a little horoscope healing in that now-viral YouTube tell-all. (Apoorva, aka the rebel kid, we feel you)
Emotional baggage now comes with Canva templates, Rs 499 tarot sessions and zodiac-themed playlist, probably with a discount code: CRYBABY20. GST? The stars picked up the tab. Oh, and that tarot reader with chunky rings and a holographic fanny pack might even throw in a mantra to block Geminis from lurking on your Instagram. And yes, they’re fully booked till July.
Even Delhi University fests have officially gone cosmic, with tarot stalls now a must-have. Because, obviously, the board exam toppers need a reading to know if they’ll make it as class representatives this semester. And somewhere between debating UCC and catching the metro, Gen Z cashed in on millennial eye-rolls.
Call it a meltdown, call it bad luck, the astrology cult calls it ‘being in retrograde.’
Views are personal.
(Edited by Ratan Priya)
